Summertime and the Blogging ain't Easy

Taking a break for a few weeks. Back when the new season starts.

CBC strikes Gold!

Well, it did years ago when there wasn't so much competition. I found this site that offers synopsis of old Canadian TV shows. These sound interesting:

CHRYSLER FESTIVAL

CBC / 6x60m-e / 1956-57

Executive Producer: Stuart W. Griffiths

Variety series broadcast from Loew's Uptown Theatre in Toronto. Hosted by Elaine Grand and Hume Cronyn. Some big names appeared including the Dave Brubeck Quartet, Earth Kitt, Shirley Jones, Peter Sellers, Jose Greco, Dorothy Dandridge, Kaye Ballard and the Oscar Peterson Trio.

CHARLIE HAD ONE BUT HE DIDN'T LIKE IT SO HE GAVE IT TO US

CBC / x30m-e / 1966 (20 July - 12 October / Wednesday 11.40pm)

Producer: Terry Kyne

Eccentric sketch series starring Paul Soles and Barrie Baldaro with a different guest star each week.

(ed. A late night sketch comedy show with a different host each week? Crazy. No wonder it didn't last.)

THE COLLABORATORS

CBC / x60m-e / 1973-74 (16 December 73 - 1 December 74 / Sunday 9.00pm)

Creator: Richard Gilbert

Crime drama series. Cases of a group of forensic scientists heavily involved in solving crimes for the police.

With:- MICHAEL KANE as Detective Sergeant Jim Brewer / PAUL HARDING as Dr Charles Erickson / TOBY TARNOW as Liz Roman / DONALD PILON as Detective Sergeant Richard Tremblay (season 2) / LAWRENCE BENEDICT as Detective Quinn / LESLIE CARLSON as Detective Kaminski

(ed. Forensic scientists solving crimes? Ludicrous.)

COMING UP ROSIE

CBC / x30m-e / 1975-78 (15 September 75 - 28 March 78)

Writers: Barbara Evans, David Mayerovitch, Stuart Northey / Executive Producer: Don Elder / Producer/Director: Trevor Evans (seasons 1-2), Hedley Read (season 3)

Teen sitcom. Misadventures of Rosie Tucker, a film school graduate, who is determined to make a name for herself as a documentary film maker.

With:- ROSEMARY RADCLIFFE as Rosie Tucker / BARRIE BALDARO as Dudley Nightshade / DAN HENNESSEY as Ralph Oberding / FIONA REID as Mona Swicker / CATHERINE O'HARA as Myrna Wallbacker / JOHN CANDY as Wally Wypyzychwk / DAN ACKROYD as Parks Bickle / JOHN STOCKER as Dwayne Kramer

(Ed. I loved this show!)

DR ZONK AND THE ZUNKINS

CBC / 30x30m-e / 1974-75 (23 September 74 - 14 April 75/ Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays 4.30pm)

Producer: Don Elder / Director: Trevor Evans

Children's sketch series based around young Billy Meek and the contents of his imagination. Robin Eveson played Billy Meek and featured amongst the cast were a young John Candy, Gilda Radner, Bob McKenna, Rosemary Radcliffe, Fiona Reid and Dan Hennessey.

(ed. Never saw this but it sounds intriguing.)

QUENTIN DURGENS M.P.

CBC / x60m-e / 1966-71

Creator: George Robertson / Producer: David Gardner / Executive Producer: Ronald Weyman

Drama series. Rural MP Quentin Durgens juggles his constituency duties in the small town of Hampton County with his role as a back bencher in Ottawa. The show grew out of a six parter called Mr Member of Parliament that appeared as part of The Serial.

With:- GORDON PINSENT as Quentin Durgens / SUZANNE LEVESQUE as 'Toinette / OVILA LGAR as Letourneau

(ed.This was a good show.)

THE RAY STEVENS SHOW

CTV / 8x60m-e / 1970

Writers: Jack Hanrahan, Phil Hahn / Executive Producers: Allan Blye, Chris Beard, Murray Chercover

Sketch based comedy series starring American comedy singer (The Streak) as well as an up and coming Steve Martin, Mama Cass of Mama's and the Papa's, Lulu, Billy Van and Dick Curtis.

(ed. During the seventies alot of entertainers had a variety show on CBC, Noel Coward, Wolfman Jack, Ray Stevens, Rolf Harris. I think there were Canadian hosts too.)

WOJECK

CBC / 20x60m-e / 1967-68

Creator: Philip Hersch

Medical/crime drama series featuring the cases of crusading Toronto Chief Coroner Dr Steve Wojeck who tackled head on all manner of controversial subjects. Wojeck's wife was Marty, Arnold Bateman was the cop Wojeck often called upon. See also below for the TV Movie revival called Wojeck: Out of the Fire.

With:- JOHN VERNON as Dr Steve Wojack / PATRICK COLLINS as Marty Wojeck / TED FOLLOWS as Arnold Bateman / CARL BANAS as Sgt Byron James

(ed. Again with the crazy ideas, a coroner solving crime.

"Billable Hours". Why it will fail!

Okay, I just finished watched an episode of Billable Hours on Showcase. It has broken the following cardinal rules:

(1) There are no totally good people and totally bad people.

As a rep from CTV/Comedy told me not too long ago, a script must have a good guy and a bad guy. Seems pretty simple, people. I mean in real life we walk down the street and see black hats and white hats. Thank god we don't have to take the time to get to know people and their motives. But I just hate those grey hatted people. Pick a side! As an example, Corner Gas, the most sucessful Canadian comedy ever has it's memorable good guys, most of the town, and the "bad guys" who would be....um, well, there was that gov't guy, but then he turned out alright, and then, oh, the dog that bit...someone....

(2) They curse.

CTV played the Sopranos uncut. There was cursing and killing and nudity and nobody (really CRTC did not register one complaint) cared. In the states Janice Jackson's nipple ended her career and started an no-win war in the mid-east. So Billable Hours will not translate into the U.S. on ABC Family. The characters curse like real people. It's like Temple Street Productions and Showcase televsion didn't care about an improbable international sale to the U.S.


(3) They make unnecessary references to Canada

They actually don't hide being Canadian. They even make fun of "Alberta" which is a state like Texas, only colder.

So, a Canadian show that talks like real people, has characters like real people and is blatently Canadian.

I'm stuck for words. I have to think.

So here's what I think. (ed. you know who you're cable/internet provider is?)

I just watched a smart, funny show on TV. The characters were well drawn, the comedy subtle yet accessible, (ed. and funny!) the production values were terrific. (ed. they were really, multiple sets, beautiful details (ed. small things on desks, though periperal, spoke to the character)truly)).

One scene had a "little person" for lack of a politically correct term, but he was not singuled out, he was not the butt of a joke; he was another character that happened to work in the office. Seinfeld did that and I loved it.

Billable Hours is a well-acted, well-written, well-executed TV show. (ed. the visuals were great, there was one scene where the main characters were arguing while walking through an office, it looked very real)

I wish everyone involved success in California.

X&Z on Definition? And They Say Canadian Game Shows Aren't Exciting!

If only the theme song was here:



And I remember this clip from The Frantics fondly:



The Simpsons in Canada:



Steve Martin in Toronto:



My DHX (Halifax Film Company) Stock is up to $1.54/share. My 1000 shares acquired at $1.40 is looking good.

Just Tidying Up.

Few more things before I get into what's been happening here:

- My DHX Stock is at $1.45. Up $.05 from acquisition price. (ed. You know, it's odd that there's no "cents" sign on a computer keyboard, isn't it?) I only have 1000 shares but I'm in a quandry as to hold tight or sell. After all, two weeks ago Charles Bishop, one of the founders of DHX, sold 250,000 shares. Would he know something I don't? Naw, I'm sure it was just a cash flow thing. I think I'll hang on especially with the news that Halifax Film (DHX) is doing a show for the CBC about spelling bees. Sounds like "ca-ching, bling, bling" is headed my way.

- A local comedy troupe (ed. or troop?) is making waves locally. Picnisface has had some of it's videos featured on Will Farrell's website so naturally as a Canadian, I am proud to now feature them and claim them as a national treasure; (ed. we haven't seen the video ourselves, but if an American says its good...)

But first!



Youtube. Apparently Women Parking is bigger than porn in Germany, judging by the number of videos posted on the topic.

Now Picnicface:



Not really my cup of tea but whatever makes the world go round.

Everybody Wang Chung Tonight.

Eh, not really.

I don't have much time but here's a few tidbits:

- While surfing I found this description on Winkopedia about the CBC/Halifax Film Company show Poko. This is verbatim;

"In August 28, 2008, Season 3 of Poko will be added 3 characters will be added and Poko got a bigger house for 3 more.

Troy He lives with Poko. He is newborn. He sleeps during the outside scene.

Lip Lock Lip Lock lives with Bibi. Lip Lock kisses. She is a cat. On the outside episode, Lip Lock chased Minus.

Sharon Sharon was Poko's new friend she is 9 years old. When Sharon says 'TAKE A BOW!' Poko, Bibi, Lambert, Lip Lock, Minus and Troy bowed. Sharon was sometimes shorten to Share which Poko called out Sharon.

Quiz will be planned to be on Season three of Poko on September 3, 2008."

Does the above sound like some sort of Eastern European satire? It's either briliantly satirical or fucking stupid.

- www.gov.ns.ca/nsarm/databases/easterneye/history.asp

This is the website for a history of film in Nova Scotia. An except follows;

"The second private motion picture company established in Nova Scotia was the less prolific but equally important Maritime Motion Picture Company (MMPC).

Canadian in its philosophy but less so in its practice. While most of the productions were filmed in Cape Breton and Atlantic Canada and told Canadian stories, the company imported most of its directors, casts, and crews from the United States. (WTF?) This practice was not uncommon across the country during these early years of film production when trained personnel were hard to come by.

A report to shareholders in 1922 stated,

It [the newly-released Sea Riders] has been well received wherever screened [and] the returns have been unexpectedly big ... outstanding evidence of the fact that the Canadian people will, if given the opportunity, support and give a preference to Made in Canada products.15"

So, we've been deceiving ourselves for a looongg time.

Anyway, Paris Hilton bumped Michael Moore from The Larry King Show. Ya know, if she hadn't invented a cure for cancer I would be a little miffed.

In local film news, there's a website that promises to entertain you with original content. Another website/blogger that promises to make television obsolite. If only. I've surfed it and found myself going, "yawn, okay, that's cute". I can't recommend it as a great way to spend an evening but it is local.

www.untv.ca

Okay, Dire Straits

Saw them in concert, saved me from disco, the best band ever!! Yeah, Yeah Rolling Stones, Beatles, blah, blah, blah. Just sit back. play this and chill.




and this



Help me lord, I had the 8 track!

Gavin Crawford. You are a Hissyfit!

I think this was somthing spontaneous which I'm totally for. Hanging around getting make-up on, Mr. Crawford, had fun. This is what it should be about.



You'll notice that Mark Farell plays the producer/showrunner and I was struck by something he wrote on another blog, "Too many people in our industry (and I'm not by any means the first to make this point) think that just getting something made or on-air is enough. It isn't."

I think he's totally right on this point. So many productions have come about because it was a job, signed, sealed and delivered by the producer and the broadcaster. It doesn't mean that the writers should shrug their shoulders and say this is only a paycheck and when I get my own show, I'll show'em! (ed. guilty).

Write, fight and smite to get good stuff on the air. It is possible. Even if you have to sneak it under the radar.

Now for a completely different topic, I came across this on YouTube; The Doors doing "The End". (ed. genuflect here). It was supposedly for Canadian TV but was it shot here? Who knows. The guy introducing it I think is Noel Harrison, son of Rex Harrison, who had his own variety show on CBC, shot in Halifax. Jim Morrison in Halifax? Doubt it. But whatever.

The year is 1967, Expo '67 blooms, a younger Jay Leno perfects his stand-up and Paris Hilton is not even imagined as possibly existing. sigh.

Distribute This!

I read in the paper where Paul Gross, David Cronenberg and friends are upset that the distribution arm of Alliance Atlantis is selling itself to an American company (with a Canadian partner doing the Canadian rubber stamping, of course).

If it goes through, the millions and millions of dollars that the taxpayers of this country (that's ...some of you) will have been spent for naught. The money was paid out to promote Canadian films. That will end.

But why all this fuss over a distributor? What do they do? Well, they are an integrel cog in the motion picture industry in this and other countries.

Although, complex, I'll try and simplify it. Basically, when a motion picture is "produced" in Hollywood, it has to be transported to the actual movie theatre; it doesn't just get dropped off by courier! (duh!). So when "Live Long or Die Harder" is "released", the "studio" sends the actual "film" to a "distributor", who receives it and then "couriers" it to the actual movie theatres across Canada.

Naturally this service dictates a fee (40% of the gross?). And since Alliance Atlantis knows all the street addresses of the movie theatres in Canada they are the main distributor for this country.

Oh, and they also promote (P & A) the film in Canada, because "Live Free or Die Harder" would be shown to empty seats in this country if somebody didn't tell the public it was playing.

I remember Michael MacMillan coming to Halifax years ago earestly explaining to the concerned production community, that the takeover of Salter Street Films would not be an abandonment of production in the city. Rumours were rife that they had purchased Salter Street only to acquire the IFC but he denied this and Michael Donovan to this day denies thats what it was about.

Alliance Atlantis wanted to buy Salter Street because of it's library (Do old Codco's have an aftermarket?) and its current production slate e.g. 22 Minutes, Poko (in development at the time).

So the sale went through and Alliance Atlantis did maintain a presence in town, the IFC has one employee with a phone. They sold all the buildings Salter Street owned and threw Poko and 22 Minutes back to Michael Donovan.

So, let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt, ....again.

As a BTW, my 1000 shares of DHX (Halifax Film Company) is down to $1.38/share. They were acquired at $1.40/share. (1000 x .02 = $20) Not much I know but if it were up the same amount I would be happier.

Why Do Pickles Exist?

I wanted to clean out the fridge and amongst the various "things" there is a Bottle of tiny dill pickles. No one living here likes tiny dill pickles, why are they here, where the F*** did they come from!? I'm tossing them!

More on tv later, things have been too flux-a-tating here lately.

Global! Your Proud CANADIAN Brodcaster!

In local production news, a documentary produced by Arcadia Productions of Halifax found the golden horseshoe. They were in the carribean shooting a documentary called "Going Down" (which in an earlier blog I mistakenly identified as an "L Word" type of show), they had finished filming an ordinary scene where divers prepared to dive and went overboard. As the hauled the anchor up, it was snagged on a treasure chest full of, well treasure. Good for them, hurrah.)

Anyway, Last week Global television announced it's fall schedule. I know I'm a bit late but it wasn't in the papers or on tv (but then they probably didn't advertise it during the 15 hour Simpson's marathon)

But I'll let them speak for themselves (with a few comments from me and excuse me if the cosmopolitans are kicking in)

"CanWest MediaWorks Announces Original Production Slate for 2007-2008

Global Television and E! (This was originally CH from Hamilton who I remember as the small station that tried. And they did. They did local programming for the country, "Tiny Talent Time" and I believe "House of Frightenstein". Anyway now it will be a 24 hour station dedicated to Canadians in the entertainment industry. That means if a Tom Cruise movie shoots in Montreal we'll be treated to a sassy portrait of Tom, probably wearing those RayBans from 40 years ago)

With 20 Original Series Premieres...Over 100 Hours of Scripted Content...Over 80 Hours of Premiere Documentaries, and Nearly 200 Hours of Entertainment News... (My God! Original...scripted content...Premiere Documentaries...Canadian TV has finally come into its own! Except for the 200 hours of TomCat, Maghaughey, etc)

Broadcaster Continues To Grow Critically-Acclaimed Development & Production Commitments (Continues? Did I miss something last year?)

(TORONTO) CanWest MediaWorks today announced details of its Original Production slate at their annual Upfront Presentation to advertisers and industry in Toronto.

Across primetime on Global Television and the all-new E! network, CanWest has positioned over 100 debut hours of scripted content, (okay, got it. Details, please)

over 80 hours of showcased documentaries and nearly 200 hours of entertainment news.

Building on what industry and press have tagged as a ‘turnaround’ year (who said that? It's in quotes so I'm sure someone did) for CanWest's Original Productions, the focus remains on expanding the commitment to developing and producing the best of Canadian drama, comedy, documentary and more (yes, yes, God, yes!) – and integrating these into the nation's most critically acclaimed primetime schedules. (um, okay, I'll play along caught up in the enthusiasm as I am)

"We're incredibly proud of our team, and the wide range of work that is being commissioned," said Barbara Williams, CanWest MediaWorks Senior Vice President of Programming and Production. (Wow, fit that on a nameplate. Barbara used to be an Alliance Atlantis Senior ...something) "Our promise to build on quality, diversity and the country's leading edge creative alliances remains strong, and is at the core of all of our 2007-2008 original product. (Heehee, okay, sorry. I know she has to say this but who is she talking too? Sorry, I'm just reacting based on past history. Apparently they have changed.) We're looking forward to a fantastic new season." (Us too. Sounds like a lot of work for Canadian creatives. And crew, of course. If you're not busy on The Hulk II)

As the CanWest commitment to original programming grows, (snicker, sorry, but it can't do anything but grow, can it?) the broadcaster's creative partnerships with a myriad of producing partners - from across Canada and around the world - have formed a strong foundation for an exciting roster of new content, set to debut this season and in the months to come. Premiere strategic partners include Movie Central, The Movie Network, The NFB, APTN, The BBC, Lifetime, USA Sci-Fi Network, and ABC Family. (uh oh, they don't sound Canadian Contenish at all)

New titles debuting on Global Television for the 2007-2008 season include: West coast action-drama, SEARCH AND RESCUE: From Halifax Film Company and Brightlight Pictures with Exec Producers Ray Storey, Michael Donovan, Charles Bishop (Bowling for Columbine)(that was their brackets not mine. They just want to point out that the guy who signed some cheques on Michael Moore's documentary will have his name in the credits of whatever this is)...Neighbourhood comedy 'DA KINK IN MY HAIR: From Barna Alper Productions, Exec Producer Laszlo Barna, Damian Nurse, Ngozi Paul and trey anthony - based on anthony's multi-award winning play of the same name (ethnic, okay that's good.) ...Coming-of-age college comedy, ABOUT A GIRL: From Brightlight Pictures and Exec Producer Steve Hegyes, starring Chiara Zanni, Jesse Hutch (hmm, sounds ABC Family'ish. But then they wouldn't traipse into Falcon Beach Territory again, would they? No, that would be just....)

Oil industry thriller, BURN UP: From Producers Tom Cox and Jordy Randall - a BBC co-production from Kudos Film and TV (UK) and Seven 24 Films Inc., (Hmm, BBC/Alberta co-pro. Why do I get the feeling the Alberta producers were tour guides? Don't know for sure but I never heard of them)

Psychological thriller, DURHAM COUNTY: From Exec Producers Janis Lundman, Adrienne Mitchell, Michael Prupas. Co-Developed and Commissioned by CanWest, DURHAM COUNTY is now set for its conventional network premiere. (check the word "conventional", it's been on TMN for a month, now)

In addition, all-new original documentaries arrive on the Global Television slate for 2007-2008, as GLOBAL CURRENTS with Host Kevin Newman marks its third season. (snore) A weekly, original strand that explores social issues and perspectives relevant to Canadians, GLOBAL CURRENTS is a showcase for independent producers from every corner of the country.

(i.e. Dearest CRTC, we are committed to telling Canadian stories to Canadians and have spent thousands of dollars on director/writers grateful for the opportunity. These documentaries will show in the prime viewing slot of Saturdays after golf and before a Simpsons rerun. Hey, if it doesn't get ratings, maybe we should just give up on this whole idea of Canadian content. Canadians are too smart for what we can deliver so we should give them the programming we deserve such as House, and Entertainment...whatever. After all if we want to profile Canadian talent, we should really look to the U.S. who hire a lot of our writers, House..etc)

Continuing the CanWest commitment to documentaries - now in true E! style - the network is proud to announce an all-new showcase, "ON E!", featuring a variety of entertainment-focused documentary series including: Musical-moms-on-a-mission, (oh, my God! WTF is this?)

SHAYE: From Breakthrough Film & TV and Exec Producer Ira Levy, featuring Kim Stockwood, Damhnait Doyle and Tara MacLean (eastern talent as only a Toronto broadcaster can show) ...On set in Hollywood North with adrenaline junkies, (um, yeah)

STUNT STARS: From Montreal's CMJ Productions and Exec Producer John Kuyk...Never call them "cover bands", TRIBUTE - THE NEXT BEST THING: From Fall From Grace Prod's and Exec Producers Michelle Metivier and Allison Grace...And the dangerous world of celebrity diets, break-ups and breakdowns, INSIDE HOLLYWOOD: From Producer Larry Day at Pyramid Productions. (sigh)

Also this Fall, E! network original debuts include...A look at homegrown legends on E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: CANADIAN EDITION... An unconventional, in-depth take on celebrity news, trends and lifestyles, E! LIVE...And over 20 homegrown MOWs, E! MOVIES WE LOVE: From CanWest, with Lifetime Network and a wide range of Canadian Producing Partners including Shaftesbury Films, ThunderBird Films, Insight Film Studios and Muse Entertainment. (Christ!)




SEARCH AND RESCUE
(13 x 1 hour; drama)
This exciting drama follows the lives of four Canadian Coast Guards, trained to expect the unexpected in their work, but never ready for it in their personal lives. Viewers can follow the adventures of these offbeat heroes whose greatest search will be for meaning in their own lives. A co-production from Halifax Film Company (Michael Donavan and Charles Bishop) and Brightlight Pictures (Steve Hegyes); created by Michael Donavan and Ray Storey. (God, help me!)

‘DA KINK IN MY HAIR
Sundays – 7:30pm
(13 x 30 min; comedy)
The highly anticipated comedy based on trey anthony's multi award-winning play of the same name. Letty's, a bustling hair salon in Toronto's Caribbean community, serves as a platform for a group of women to share their trials, tribulations and deep dark secrets. Viewers can watch as these strong, black women let their hair down – in more ways than one. Series created by trey anthony and Ngozi Paul; Executive Produced by Damion Nurse, Laszlo Barna, trey anthony, Ngozi Paul and Shelly Scarrow.

CAST: Ordena Stephens-Thompson, Ngozi Paul, trey anthony, Conroy Stewart, Richard Fagon (Yeah, okay, this might actually be interesting)

ABOUT A GIRL
(13 x 30 min; comedy)
College student Amy Ryan never thought she would find herself living in an off-campus house along with four male roommates. She's now got a direct line to the male species and what makes them tick – and the guys now have a chick to take out the garbage. What they will learn from each other is more than any classroom could ever teach. From Producer Steve Hegyes (White Noise). (Canadian?)
CAST: Chiara Zanni, Jesse Hutch (Smallville) (Canadian?)

BURN UP
(2 x 2 hour; mini-drama)
This two-part, high-stakes conspiracy thriller is set against the backdrop of the world's corrupt and violent oil industry. This drama focuses on the desperate attempts of those trying to save the planet from global warming while uncovering the truth of oil reserves in Alberta, the southern United States and the Middle East. A co-production of Seven 24 Films Inc. ( Alberta) and Kudos Film and TV (UK). (snore. I wonder what side of global warming they come out on)

KILLER WAVE
(2 x 2 hour; drama)
An action-disaster mini-series about a conspiracy theory come true. A large corporation conspires to devastate North American cities on the east coast with tidal waves so that it can win a multi-billion dollar contract from the government to build a seawall along the eastern seaboard. Directed by Bruce McDonald; from Muse Entertainment, Montreal. (A multi-billion dollar contract from the Canadian government? We're not talking advertising, people. Oh, NORTH America. International sales, anybody)
CAST: Angus MacFadyen, Karine Vanasse, Stephen McHattie

DURHAM COUNTY
(6 x 1 hour; drama)
An emotionally powerful series revolving around Detective Mike Sweeney, his family and a potential serial killer who lives across the street. As Sweeny hunts down his murderous neighbour, the differences between the cop and the killer become blurry. With a shared history that goes all the way back to high school, Sweeney learns you can’t always leave your past behind. Produced by Muse Entertainment in Montreal.

CAST: Helene Joy, Sonya Salomaa, Laurence Leboeuf, Greyston Holt, Hugh Dillon, Justin Louis (Okay, this might actually be good from what I hear, but it's not a Global original)

That's all I'm going to blog tonight.

My Banff Corrsespondant Shows Up...in the Middle of a Melee!

Last week my friend Wendall went off to Banff to report on the future of Canadian television and found himself in the middle of a protest from a group of writers who felt television should concern itself with quality story telling rather than the interests of investors who risk their assets off so the industry can actually exist! People, please! Priorities!

Anyway, I haven't heard from him since that skirmish, until yesterday when he called from downtown Halifax on the pay-as-you-go cell phone, we chipped in on. He was unable to recall the missing five days, other than there were a lot of shrimp cocktails, Sambuca body shots and apparently he now has a development deal with a major U.K. broadcaster on a reality show about beavers.

I'll give you the ghist of his phone call. Yesterday was an interesting day in normally quiet Halifax.

Wendall:

"I'm downtown, apparently, where all hell has broken loose. I awoke on the curb, to find myself among a dozen protestors who were defending themselves against the Halifax Police. From what I can see, the protestors, all dressed in black, including stylish headcoverings and baklava's (ed. they tried to disguise themselves with greek pastry on their faces?), and identical vintage Doc Martin's, were peacefully walking down the street carrying a few garbage can lids, just for style, when a police officer approached on a bicycle and brazenly offended them by asking how their day was going.

The protestors felt cornered and defended themselves accordingly; luckily they were all geode fanatics and had some of the sparkly, seemingly unoffending pieces of Mother Nature on their person.

As usual, police overreacted and held up their hands in a "let's calm down" provocative manner. That's when I apparently lost conciousness.

When I awoke, one of the protestors was using me as a human shield as he attempted to re-decorate the Toronto-Dominion bank with light bulbs full of paint. (ed. Thank God! I really am sick of that green colour everywhere.)

The protestor, 'Grellum', defended his actions by saying his act of throwing paint at the outside of a building will "make those people trying to shove Atlantica down our throats to reconsider their options!" (ed. I know what you mean. I once saw some graffeti on a mail box that said "save our planet" and I didn't litter that day!)

I asked him what he had against "Atlantica" and said it was a tool for corporations to oppress the dis-advantaged.

As the pepper spray cried away from my face (ed. should have been wearing some sort of international pastry!), I asked him what "Atlantica" was. He looked at me like I called his sister a whore, then hit me in the knee with a can of organic coffee, while calling me a facist. Excellent point, I thought, as I crumbled to the ground.

Later in the Halifax PD lock-up, I had a chance to talk to several of the protestors. I wanted to know why they had travlled from Montreal, Toronto and Truro; what had raised their ire so much that they were willing to risk....well, just having their picture taken being arrested.

'Cohan', a radical protestant anarchist from Montreal said he had travelled by train, and all the hardships that comes with that, to add his voice against the concept of "Atlantica" which would reduce the minimum wage, (ed. But even in Nova Scotia isn't every business scrambling for workers offering unheard of wages for semi-skilled and un-skilled labour?), create a double teared (his pronounciation, not mine, *snicker*) health care system, and allow cloned vegetables to rule the streets.

I asked Joshua from Toronto why he had travelled to Halifax, other then the fact his airmiles were expiring soon, and he responded that he'd rather be here fighting the oppresive forces of "Atlantica" than going to school or volunteering in his community because it was "betterest" and "really cool". Also Becky hated oppressive regimes and she is totally hot with her pierecd things.

Confused, I asked Caleb from Cape Breton why he was here and his response was ' I likes to throw rocks at things, but like, if I'm in North Sydney throwing rocks at telephone poles, no one's goin' chase me. What the hell fun is dat!"

As the commissionairres gave us sandwiches, cold and on white bread not whole wheat, pigs!, I had to ask the question to my cellmates; what is "Atlantica", exactly? "

That's when I lost the feed.

Wendall, I'll make some phone calls and try and get you out of there. If only I could leave the apartment.

Lost in Banff. My Correspondent Goes Missing.

Busy few days at the apartment. I haven't seen much of my sister and her boyfriend Carl, the Brazillian Bushman/millionaire. She came home tonight to drop off my whopper with cheese and she couldn't stop giggling.

Apparently she was at the drug store and she found it funny that in the same display rack where they had the pregnancy tests, they had the condoms for sale. Yeah okay, ironic depending on how you look at it. Depending on what you were shopping for.

My Banff corespondant Wendell has apparently disappeared. He sent a report two nights ago and the only time I've heard from him since was an incomprehensible rant from his cellphone. If any of you in Banff see an tall, skinny, impossibly white almost transluscent, yahoo asleep in the ditch, give him a poke would you and send him on his way home.

Mia Farrow was on The Hour tonight. I always wondered how she could go from Frank to Woody? They're like polar opposites in every way. But I doubt she got asked the question

Chaos at Banff TV Festival!

Well, the Banff Film Festival is underway and memories of fruit plates, white wine and tasty threesomes (every party seemed to have the same combination of brie, ghouda and for the meek, chedder.)

But since I'm unable to leave my apartment, my friend Wendall, usually my editor, has gone in my stead. So I'll be editing for him for a change. From the sounds of things, I'm missing one of the most active Banffs in a while, if not ever. Here's his report.

Wendall - Chaos has broken loose here in Banff for the first time since the cancellation of "Silk Stalkings" which tore assunder the co-operation between the best of Canadian television and really late night CBS.

There have been rumours of protests for weeks but nobody expected what happened here today. This morning just after a light brunch of crepes and fresh fruit, a group of individuals (ed. is it a group or are they individuals?), gathered on the front lawn in a threatening manner.

As producers, broadcasters and assorted "assistants, i.e. not wives" were peacefully smoozing, a small cadre of writers organized and stormed the main room where Fran Drescher was holding court on the effects of ethnicity and nasal whining on sitcoms . Sally Struthers had barely begun her rebutal when the writers strode in screaming "winter driving" according to one witness.

Although security is usually tight at the meeting of the best minds of the international broadcasting community and drunken Canadian broadcasting development officials, the RCMP were totally unprepared for this.

Staff Sargent Rideau commented that the writers had fooled guards at the security entrance, where the razor wire shone with the dashed hopes of unfufilled story ideas (ed. get to it!) The writers fooled security by busily texting, talking to their "assistants" and screaming into their blackberries as they walked through the metal detector.

"Sure they were all dressed in black and had a bleak outlook on life but, really" said Sgt Rideau, "who would have expected a Canadian writer to be taking an important call on a blackberry. Is he on-line to the set for an important piece of dialouge for a crucial scene?" He allowed himself an obvious chuckle amidst the chaos.

Most of the writers were identified as Canadian and, given that no one could name names. Except for the ringleader who couldn't help himself and gave an interview to the media.

As quoted in the Calgary Herald "The don of this mob is Canadian TV writer Denis McGrath, and just like Tony Soprano, McGrath is trying to exploit a chaotic situation for his own benefit.

McGrath and his self-described "writer's mafia" -- a.k.a.: a half dozen of his writing pals -- are hitting the Banff festival at a time when the North American television industry is in turmoil."

But today, most of McGrath's followers were distracted when a quick thinking broadcaster jumped onto a table and waved a development deal in front of the writer's faces.

Fortunately, it was an American broadcaster.

On location, I'm Wendall.