Can It Get Any Bigger Than This?

Well folks, after a brief hiatus (ed. thats TV talk for a break), I'm back. A lot of things have been happening since the last time I posted so before my afternoon siesta, let's start with the good news. My friend Lunchmeat Harold will be editing for me tonight. (Ed. Howdy)



Why is my friend and mentor Michael Donovan smiling whilst grasping his little man? For good reason. His company (ed. and yours. Full disclosure, the author owns 1000 shares of DHX/Halifax Film/Decode etc. etc. mega-monopoly), has been signing deals here there and everywhere including Spain! They've partnered up with a Spanish production company to produce "Poppets Town" which is apparently a 2D animated series for children and not a show about a drug inhalers in a gay spa!

It's been sold around the world and assuming it's being made with Nova Scotia taxpayer dollars through the Film Tax Credit I guess we're all going to be part-owners. (Ed. sorry, those tax credits are just producer money.) Oh, right. Well at least it will make for a healthy bottom line which is what the entertainment industry is all about.

DHX/Halifax Film/Decode (Ed. Just type DHX before you snap your wrists) also bought a chain of fitness centres for kids called Bulldog Interactive. Imagine with me, a scaled down NuBody's where toddlers and up, enjoy a good workout of their lats and pecs and whathaveyous on the stairmaster or that crazy bicycle where you peddle and peddle but don't go anywhere! Little Jimmy chatting up little Janie as they complain that you just can't get workout togs in sizes 6 to 8 that don't have a cartoon character on them. Except of course for Lunar Jim, Poco which just happen to be on all the flat screened TV's in an endless loop! Why the gym shoppes (ed. oh, with a "pe", classy.) will be forced to carry all the toys and gadgets and clothes and zit creams with our shows logos on them. As a shareholder, this makes me moist. A captive audience with disposible income to spare. I'm assuming that their parents take them here to see and be seen rather than have the tykes get all dirty in their backyards like we had to do.

DHX (ed. thanks) also secured a deal with The Family Channel to produce a season of "The Latest Buzz", (ed. also not a show about the latest pharmachuticals). It's a show about teens who mock authority and rock their world while putting together a student newspaper. This is nothing like Radio Free Roscoe which a show about teens who mock authority and rock their world while putting together a student radio station. Radio - newspaper. Different, see.

In other DHX news (ed. Do you ever write about anything else?), they are producing or have produced a spelling bee show for kid's. Now some may say this was a fad that's come and gone (ed. yeah like two heartwarming movies, a documentary and already a bunch of reality shows like it!), but I like to think of it as a "re-magining, kinda like Battlestar Gallactica. (ed. If they were up against spelling cyborgs, that would be interesting.) But anyway it was done at the local CBC, so it didn't cost us anything. And it used up studio space, resources, crew that would just have gone to make some other pilot for a non-conglomorate producer. In fact it seems to be a right of passage that springtime brings another DHX pilot that will never see the light of day; "Rhymes With Canuck", (ed. another 're-magining of an improv show, years after "Whose Line"), "The Thing About" and others that are good practice.

Interesting to note that Cheryl Hasson, the COO of Halifax Film, was the one quoted in today's paper announcing the spelling show. There's been little of her in the public eye since she joined DHX. Her last job was head of development for CBC Kids where she green-lit such excellent shows as Poco, Lunar Jim and Bo on the Go. Now co-incidentily she's the COO of DHX who produce Poco, Lunar Jim and Bo on the Go.

But its'not all about DHX this week, though it should be. A German-Canadian co-production called Sea-Wolf is starting to shoot in May in Electropolois (Ed. watch out for the rats!)and another series called "G-Spot" will soon start shooting in Dartmouth. (Ed. I've been looking in the wrong place! The G-Spot's in Datmouth? Who'd a thunk it?) Both are being produced by Big Motion Picture company who also produced Trudeau. But The G-Spot's not a new show, it was a series on Showtime or Bravo and I believe it was produced by someone else. Curious.

Watched Sophie last night on CBC and it realy wasn't my cup of tea. Though I did read that it won a Peabody Award which I guess is good. I just had no idea that dog gave out awards. I wonder if his boy, Sherman was at the awards.

And the Air Farce was cancelled. Can't say I'm surprised, I think it's audience has been dying off over the last few years.

I guess that's it for now.

Halifax Film Stuff. Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Yes, I know it's been a while since I blogged but, so what.

My friend Lunchmeat Herold is with me to edit (ed. Hello), not just for grammar and spelling but so I don't go off on a tangent or perhaps an angry tirade! (ed. calm down and have another cosmopolitan.)

Lunchmeat has been a real friend since I lost my job, bringing food and drink to myself, my sister Stella, and my roommate Carly. Neither of whom, I will say with restraint, has brought any money into the household for the past several months. I know I'm not one to talk, but a major limitation for me is my inability to leave the house. Makes putting a Happy Meal together a bit difficult if John, Jane and little Jimmy Average Citzen has to come to my apartment.

But at least Carly has been helping out rent - wise. Our super has been letting us glide on the rent, well my big screen TV helped pay for a few months, but a few minutes with Carly in her room seems to extend the inevitable kicking to the curb. What they do in there I don't want to know, I'm just picturing some sort of fully clothed massage for want of the grimy obvious.

Anyway, I've been sending show concepts, what we used to call "pitches", to Halifax Film/DHX/Decode/Studio B for the past several months. As many of you know, I used to be a writer a while ago, (ed. wasn't it you who sent The Littlest Hobo on to another town, that time?) And since I am a shareholder in DHX, I thought they would at least set up a meeting, teleconference is fine, I can set up the CN Tower backdrop behind me, if need be. But not a word. Not a single PFO thank you'ish response to my e-mails. Maybe they're too busy backing some sort of charity event happening in town. Now as an owner, (ed. co) I'm not sure I like this sudden keenness with helping others. Especially if it hurts the bottom line. Halifax Film/DHX has never before shown this wimpy side where they help the "less fortunate". Damn, let them lobby the government for tax credits and funding. Why try and cut into our pie?

But you know what? Despite the fact that I haven't heard from my compadres is not going to me down. I'm fully back into the writing mode, and I've been working on a project to pitch to a major Canadian broadcaster; Global Television. Since they bought AA, they have a lot of channels to fill with Canadian content, besides the teressterial (ed. huh?). This is the network that brought you original content such as The Jane Show (ed. cancelled), Falcon Beach (ed. cancelled.), and , um, (ed. not much else Canadian is tehre?). Quiet Ed. Surely the CRTC will flex their muscles and my point will be proven that they will be looking for Canadian content soon. Sweet Jesus.

But enough about me, this blog is about Canadian television (ed. and film? right?)

Speaking of film, I was outraged when I learned (actually fell asleep during the E!cast) that the 12 Genie nominations that Shake Hands With the Devil earned, all it took home was best music? I didn't even notice there was music . Not that I want them to rescind the award but this is our Schindler's List people. At least best screenplay should have won. Omagine how hard it is to take a book and write a movie with it? Especially if you've never written two words together to make a sentence before in your life. Talk about a challanging movie!

Watched Billable Hours the other night. I like this show. Sometimes its over the top but they say the F word as if they are real people. It gives me a warm canadian feel while entertaining me. huh. Funny.

Meanwhile, CBC cancelled, Jpod, never saw it, and MVP, never saw that one either but the ads made it seem like plastic people screwing each other literally and figuratively. CBC cancelled both because of low ratings. Wow. Kudos for knowing when to cut and run. i must say, the new CBC, actually seems to have an agenda to put on entertaining programming that a lot of people like. I'm not sure what this new approach is called but I think other businesses may learn something from this new concept.

I saw a show called Good Morning World, actually I saw two episodes over the last few weeks. This does not renew my faith in The Comedy Network which was already severly crippled when The Butcher Brothers premiered. I googled the two stars and they seem to have a very good pedigree, comedy wise, Second City, where you still have to be good to stand out. But what would have made a really good 4 minute sketch seems to have been stretched into a 26 x 1/2 hour series. I watched it open mouthed.

I can understand The Comedy Network buying in because it looks reasonably inexpensive to shoot. Canadian? Done.

Dave Thomas is one of the producers and although he is a God to me, I'm thinking this may just have been a paycheck for him.

I'd Just Like to Hold It. Oscar Night!

Haven't blogged in a while but there's not much to report in the "biz" in Nova Scotia. Well except for the fact the oscars are touching the province because of the lovely and talented Ellen Page. We are of course tuned in and Ellen (ed. first name basis?) was just interviewed and I must say she held her own on the silly red carpet interview. Speaking of holding your own and touched by Oscar (c) let's not forget the past achievements the Academy has bestowed on Nova Scotians.



Michael Donovan Cradles His Little Oscar

And let me say it is robbery that Shake Hands With the Devil has not been nominated. A tragic compeling story, well made, well acted...I don't know. You think at least they would have had a special award for writing, seeing as Mr. Donovan wrote it all by himself! No small feat considering he's never written drama before! And hurrahs for the producer taking a chance on an unknown writer.

Speaking of which, I still have not heard anything back from Halifax Films concerning a number of pitches I've sent in over the past few weeks for new kids shows. Since I lost my job, and my extremely pregnant sister has been living here not bringing in any money and my roommate, Karly, still hasn't found a job (ed. hard to get a Timmy's job where the only thing on your resume is "crack dealer".) The references usually don't return phone calls.) things have been a bit dicey. Rent, food, electricity..., I thought if I was able to sell Halifax Film on a show concept...I'm sure they'll get back to me soon. I even came up with another pitch:

Hamma Montana - animated - a teen-age pig lives a double life an an ordinary teen pig and a superstar pig calling contestant. (ed. Does she solve crimes?)

But anyway, my pal Lunchmeat Herold, also my editor tonight (ed. Howdy) has shown up to watch the oscars tonight and he brought my favorite Quarter Pounder with Cheese and all the fixin's for cosmopolitans, my drink of choice since the Mooseheads came to town.

So far Jon Stewart has done his monologue and a few awards that no one cares about have been awarded (ed. Best Red Dress (female)?), so we're going to settle in and watch Ellen win. (ed. I hope she doesn't. She's too sweet, it'll ruin her)

May blog later depending on what happens and how fortified the cosmopoltans are.

So with that, we're settled in to watch the Oscars (s)

Halifax Film and TV Stuff - Is February a Blue Month or a Red Month?

Warning: The following may be depressing.

I hate February. Always did. Especially now, even though I don't leave the apartment at any time of the year, knowing that I can't, in this dreariest of dreary months, makes time crawl by. And sharing the place with my increasingly pregnant and exponentially erratically behaving sister and roommate Carly, the detoxing crack wench, well, the sunshine ain't shining out of any orifice. I especially feel sorry for my dog Bicuitface, he should be out romping with bunnies instead of stuck in this godforsaken space.

But then, so should I.

Money grows increasingly tight since none of the UnBrady Bunch is bringing in any cash.

Anyway, enough of being a "downer". I have to keep a positive outlook. I'm hoping to hear back soon from the Halifax Film Company about several proposals I sent in for kids television shows. I e-mailed them off several weeks ago and haven't heard back yet but I'm sure they're working their way up the ladder.

I'll bet once they fall on the desk of Charles "the Green Arrow" Bishop, he'll be calling me up to negotiate the worldwide marketing and distribution rights. I won't play hardball, given this would be my first solo project but the one after that...

I'm not sure what kind of deal wunderkind Jeff Rosen has, but given the dolars he's put in the pockets of Halifax Film from a number of projects, I'm sure he's plugged in to a percentage of the gross.

Though I am positive Halifax Film and I will walk hand in hand down the garden path of a meaningful relationships, I don't want to risk being led into the bushes on the first date with the first "fella" with a good lookin' set of assets. Maybe I should pitch other companies like Decode or Studio B, just to cover all my bases. Nothing like a bidding war to make things interesting.

So interesting news that three CANADIAN TV series are being bought by American networks. This hasn't happened since, never, girlfriend. The Listener, Sophie, and The Border. Never saw Sophie, but I did see that Bailey's commercial, over and over sigh...

Saw The Border, and thought it was pretty good, especially the episode with the strippers. Haven't seen The Guard yet, mostly cause I keep thinking its the same show as The Border. Maybe they can just make one show, The Border Guard.

It will be interesting to see what the Americans think of these shows, especially since The Border is unapoligetically and refrshingly Canadian. It'll also be interesting to see what happens if the writers strike gets settled first. But then, the networks are still going to need content while their machine gets up and running. Unless they all call the darn thng off like the NHL season a while back.

On the other hand, if the strike continues, there will probably be more opportunities for Canadian shows south of the border and I'm talking digging into the library, where old shows will produce pure gravy (profit.) Who knows, Blackfly may finally get the attention it deserves. And cause its set in the past, its "evergreen."

That means its timeless, i.e. as good today as it ever was.

Hopefully it will go better than when the NFL went on strike and the Americans watched the CFL. For about 10 minutes.

And speaking of Canadians on American TV, Fox is promoting the hell out of Unhitched the sitcom starring Sean Majumdar (and others). It's produced by the Farrelly brothers, one of whom just sold a house on the south shore of Nova Scotia. The trailers make it look interesting, but the appearance of a baboon makes me kind of go "yeeee." I mean monkeys are funny and all but a sophisticated comedy about the New York dating mileau? I'll give it a try but...

And then the CRTC hearings are under way. They're talking about changing the CTF. Jim Shaw doesn't like it. So the WGC, ACTRA and God knows who else has to sit and justify why Canada needs Canadian shows on Canadian television. Mr. Shaw oversees a large cable conglomerate and last year he held back the money he took in from cable subscribers and refused to give it to the CTF because he didn't like Trailer Park Boys.

BTW, I saw a documentary a few years ago on Ted Rogers another empire builder. As you all know, I'm tremendously interested in how rich people get rich, those guys who fight hard scrabble tooth and nail for what they believe in and work their asses off to succeed. So Ted Rogers explained that he got his first cable license (i.e. a license to print money) because he was a friend of certain politicians. Jesus wept. And he was proud of it.

Anyway, Mr. Shaw, another lottery winner, thinks the CTF should be split into two segments; one for commercial projects and one for "cultural" projects.

Ironically, Trailer Park Boys falls into both.

Like it or not, it is a success. And a huge one. It also reflects our culture. Maybe not Mr. Shaw's but the one thing I constantly read is that people from every walk of life "know someone just like that"!

Quebecor a Quebec company "appeared before the CRTC right after Shaw and again said it should be allowed to put its CTF contributions into a separate fund that it would control.

Company chief Pierre Karl Péladeau pledged to augment the current contributions made by its cable company Videotron from $19 million to $30 million and to spend $100 million over three years. Quebecor would retain copyright to much of the funded programming, and funds would also finance content for video-on-demand, the web and other new media initiatives."

So the cable giant would take the money it collects from subscribers, decide what gets made with it and own the properties.

Just a note, the money that comes in is a part of people's cable bill that is supposed to go to the CTF to develop and produce product for all Canadians.

Qubecor, IT'S NOT YOUR MONEY! It's mine! (If I lived in Quebec, and I would if I were allowed)

That's all for this week.

Halifax Film and TV - Mid Winter

Sorry, I haven't blogged in a while but things have been kind of "sporadic". Since we ran out of money, the lights, cable, internet etc have been coming and going and the combination necessary to report on TV has not been optimal. (Sorry, I missed "The Border", again.)

Basically, it's been a batt;e of utilities against phone calls to our MP. But he/she (I can't tell from the voice) can't cover us for much longer.

My attempts to pitch Halifax Film with the latest international children's show pitch seems to have fallen on a deaf e-mail in basket.

I've sent several pitches to their general info e-mail but have not heard back. Maybe its time to cash in several favours, though I hate that kind of thing and you don't see it much in film or TV.

But getting through that secure bank wall is the key. If amyone can send me Cheryl (Invisible Lass)'s e-mail address (I've tried phoning, but apparently the girl/guy at the end of the general phone number has not passed along my name or number.) it would be appreciated.

Not knowing the food chain inside Halifax Film, maybe I should send my ideas to Charles (the Green Arrow Bishop) or...dare I...no,I dare not...why not. If someone can give me Michael Donovan`s e-mail (I feel a bit flushed now), I can, um, pitch...him.

Halifax Film / TV Weakly Update (haha, see what I did there? "weakly" cause it's so bad.... ah forget it).

Anyway..., tonight's blogging is edited by my friend Lunchmeat Herold. (ed. hiya.)

Just to catch up on a bunch of local (ed. and national, international) tv/film stuff.

Saw "The Border" the other night, the CBC's latest drama and I was impressed. It wasn't a "24" ripoff, although it did have action, tension, it was un-awkwardly proudly Canadian. It felt like a british show when they tell stories to fellow brits, ya know? (ed. like from a "canadian" perspective" to Canadian? Crazy.) And none of the police wore bright red coats. I think I'll watch again.

Suzanne Pleshette .... sigh... I wa so sorry to hear of her passing. She was class with a capital K! Funny, confident, sexy...I get the feeling I wasn't the only one who wanted to spend a long car drive across america with her.

The sound stage in Shelburne has been sold. It was built in the day when film and tv was supposed to rescue "underdeveloped" parts of the province, from economic destitution. Now, apparently, I "dissed" Shelburne in a previous blog but it was unintentional. I've never been there but I guess, according to an e-mail I received, it is a haven for "loyalists" and aliens. That's great. (ed. Maybe some people shouldn't throw the word "ignorant" around just because we talk about stuff we don't know anything about, hmmm?)

My subscription to Playback has expired and frankly I don't have the cash to re-new at their new cyber way of doing things. (ed. shouldn't it be cheaper since there's no paper or postage involved? I'm just saying.)

I'm guessing that the facility was sold to a foreigner for much less than it cost the Nova Scotia Government to build. Such is our quaint Maritime way.

Sean Majumder's new sitcom is being advertised and it's on FOX! That's american. I say good for him. The talented Newfoundlander has certainly paid his dues and has the talent to make it in the mainstream of comedy in the states. (ed. that's not an insult.) The show is called "Unhitched" and is run by the Farrelly brothers. (ed. Something about Mary, anyone. I wish I knew the history of Sean's association with the bro's. One of them, Bobby?, had a summer home up here, (just recently sold)
Did Sean and Bobby?, hang out up here? Who knows. Did they have anything to do with Bobby Curtola checking out of the province? (ed. Not likely. Not even a tenuous connection there, why bring it up?)


In personal news, we've managed to stave off eviction. Briefly, I owe back rent because I recently lost my job, the roommate I brought in has turned out to be a drug dealer who was not very good at her career and my sister, well, she's more of a giver than an earner. So, sad to say, the big screen tv is gone. This is hard to talk about but, heck, sacrifices have to be made. (In actuality the TV wasn't even mine; it was my sister's Brazillian boyfriend/impregnator, so I'm not really behind.) Still, other bills have to be paid.

Now, in a previous career, I used to write for children's television. That, plus the fact that I own shares in DHX aka Halifax Film, (ed.1000 shares), I figured I could pitch them on some show concepts. Alas, I have not heard back on any of my pitches.

But, my mentor, Michael Donoven, the ceo of said DHX, has inspired me to rise up and continue in my quest. In last Thursday's Chronicle Herald (I admit, I borrow it from the fetal alcohol people from up the hall, but I always return it!), Michael was speaking to a business conference at Dalhousie and he said that "failure is the key to sucess". Can you imagine that the Oscar (tm) winner was saying that failure is a key to the elevator of sucess? Hell, I should be heading to the 10000th floor!

He says that Tv and film is usually a 6:1 failure to sucess ratio. So for all the six taxpayer funded productions DHX, the publically listed corporation, will have one success. I don't think you have better odds than Vegas, especially when you are losing other people's money but winning yours.

So. learning from this, I've previously sent DHX four premises and now I have two more "ideas" for other kids shows. (ed. after all that is the business we want to monopolize.)


Ricky the Acerbic Clam - Bitter and sarcastic bottom feeders resent those who eat in the shallow pool. (and they solve mysteries/crimes.)

Mariska, the Idealistic Filmmaker - Mariska does odd jobs (ed. collecting bottles, eating glass for money, and whoring) in order to finance her independant films in which she seeks to entertain and inform. Genre: Fantasy. In the first episode, we introduce her nemesis Heryl Chasion, the rich dilitant, who refuses to respond to our heroine`s pleas for help.

So that`s it for this weak. Just a note, I started this blog as an information centre for tv and film makers in halifax to share their knowledge and experiences. But lately, the only responses I`ve received have be haraunging e-mails. I`m thinking that I`m just wasting my time. Anybody out there?

Week 2, 2008. Halifax Film TV Stuff

Not much going on in good old Nova Scotia Film and TV business, though regular life is starting to take a downturn. My friend Maurice will be editing tonight. (ed. Howdy.)

Watched Oprah last night, and let me tell you some people just shouldn't be in large screen HD. She's an attractive woman but for some reason she just looks judgemental and she makes me feel guilty. I don't know why. I'm not a regular viewer, I just tuned in to see the lovely and talented Ellen Page. But the show wasted a lot of time on Marion Davies (ed. Boo, hoo, I used steroids, lied about it, got caught and I'm really sorry, I did it to be an example of what children should not do. So can I stay out of prison?) So there wasn't much time for Ellen, especially after Jennifer Garner came out and gushed about everything from her baby to her life and husband, who I believe is Bart Affleck. So a waste of time for me.

But I read in the paper that a real feature film (ed. as opposed to a Lifetime quicky) is coming to N.S. Katie Holmes (ed. some people can't help being crazy, but you should know better than to marry a crazy person.), Woody Harrelson, and the Fabulous! Eddie Izzard! That cross-dressing fool! He is a riot, check out this little bit:




The CBC started it's new flashier programming last week with the premiere of jPod, The Border, and Sophie. It appears they are doing well, numbers wise; I really should watch them at some point.

The CBC also ordered more Animal Mechanicals, another animated show from the mind of Jeff Rosen (Poko, Bo on the Go). Hopefully he's being well paid for filling the coffers of DHX aka Halifax Film, his creations fill CBC morning and sell around the world. But, on the other hand as a shareholder, (1000 shares @ $1.62!), I hope he's on salary and not in for a percentage of the profits. In fact I never see his name when DHX is handing out stocks and options to the Board.

Anyway, speaking of my stocks, I'm a bit concerned. As loyal readers know, I inheirited the stocks when my Father died in Kamloops last year. I didn't go to the service as I can't leave the apartment, but my sister Stella went as the East Coast family rep. She's the one who told me Dad's lawyers told her I was going to get the stock. But since then, I've heard nothing. Shouldn't I get some of those big old certificates in the mail or something?

And it's kind of important now as I may have to cash them in to pay the rent. Since I lost my job and Stella been too busy gestating to earn money, things have gotten a bit tight. I hoped taking in a roommate would have helped and it did at first when Carly was selling non-perscription medication, through a slot in our front door, but she's become another drain since she found Jesus. And believe me finding him in this apartment was quite the success; there's just not thatmany places to hide.

But Mr. Mzykenick (ed. wasn't he that little imp that gave Superman so much trouble?), our super, informed me in a series of grunts and clicks (ed. he's from one of those eastern europeon countries that have more consonents in their names than he does.), that we were three months behind in our rent.

I had sent some show pitches into DHX, hoping that they would champion my kids show ideas but I haven't heard anything back. That would at least solve my immediate money problems. Other than that selling the stock, that I don't have proof that I actually own, seems to be the only alternative. I'm working on some more, that's I'll send in tomorrow after some "polishing."

"Lincoln Blogs - Although Abraham Lincoln is dead he's still able to channel his spirit through a Blog, to help 10 year old Tommy LeChastelain solve moral delemas and issues in his life, his school and his vollyball team. Together, they also solve crimes."

"Gibbons From Space - Earth is invaded by flatulent monkeys from space who create havoc with their hi-jinks. One of them opens a detective agency and solves crimes in San Francisco."

I sent my other ones to the general e-mail address for DHX but maybe I should try higher (ed. no offense). If only I knew Charles "the Green Arrows" contact information. I know he recognizes genius, when he sees it.

Canada at Sundance: A Halifax Perspective. And Other Cra*

We received an e-mail from Telefilm trumpeting the Canadian entries playing at Sundance this year.

Me thinks I see a theme:






























Thoughtful introspection. And because they're mostly National Film Board presentations there's naturallly no Canadian perspective. (ed. 'member all those National Film Board films we all saw in school when we were kids!? Yeah me neither.)











But being Canadian, we're not all about just sittin' and thinkin'...













There's always death and zombies! Jesus weeps. But at least he has a positive bent. Can we not present a Porky's or a Meatballs to the world to show that we're not all zombies and/or weeping all the time?

My friend "Lunchmeat Herold" has dropped over to help me with tonights blog, he'll be the editor (ed. Hiya). He brought a tape of Ellen Page on David Letterman's show last week and I must say I am absolutely charmed by this young lady. In a career as diverse as Pit Pony, Juno, Trailer Park Boys and X-Men she drove the interview and Dave for once, had to hang on for the ride. She talked about Halifax and living here on a positive note. The pretty, talented, and real (ed. and hot, not a package you see together too often), Ms. Page was smart, (ed.and a little nervous, understandebly, but it was real and endearing.) And gladly, Dave played along. He really is good with people who are real!

Anyhoo, although Lunchmeat may be on some sort of love connection (actually, I think she's T-riffic too), other things have been fairly quiet. I sent my story/series ideas into DHX aka Halifax film for evaluation and I'm just waiting to hear back from their creative department. (ed. I imagine they have a lot of playrights/screenrighters that look over all proposals.)

2007 - That All Ya Got!!

So, I haven't blogged for a while due to rolling blackouts throughtout my apartment, possibly due to the fact that the power (ed. "hydro" to you Ontario readers) bill hasn't been paid. Anyway gave me plenty of time to think of my present state most of which is due to events in the last year, 2007. let's see:

- My Father died (not that he was ever a great provider, in fact he owed me money. One day he just showed up at my apartment in L.A. and said he needed money to pay off a mean house and her meaner pump. Something like that, I may have mis-interpreted as I was pretty "coked" in those days. But anyway, your Father's always your Dad, right?)

- My live in sister, Stella let a Brazillian exchange student live here and he lasted just long enough to get her pregnant.

- I lost my job as a rep for a medical supply/pharmasutical. (ed. "sic", I think I know why you lost the job.) As I can't leave the apartment, it was perfect for me as it was all done on-line.

- With bills piling up, I found a roommate, Carly who, though I didn't approve of her career (ed. What? You sold drugs, she sold drugs...albeit, she sold them through a slot through a steel door...)she had money to pay the rent. That was until she went cold turkey, quit using and selling and found the Love of Jesus over Christmas. Now the Love of Jesus is great but it doesn't pay that well.

- My dog Biscuitface, needs an operation. Something non-specific (ed. not cancer!) that costs a lot of money.

All of this going on in a one-bedroom apartment (ed. ...in the sky-hiii!)

With things not looking so great, I decided to return to one of my old skills that I don't have to leave the apartment for - writing. Although my meat and potatos in my day was on the technical side of production, I did write a few kids shows before becoming a producer and getting others to write for me for free. (Hey, don't criticize, everyone did it and those kids really appreciated the break. In fact some of them have moved quite far onward and upward, but for some reason they don't return my calls.)

And since I own shares in DHX (ed. aka Halifax Film) it seemed to be a perfect opportunity to pitch a kid's show. Especially after they bought Decode and Studio B. (ed. did anyone else get Monopoly for Christmas? The tv production company edition? If you choose the writer's token you have to roll the dice with no dots on them.)

So I've written up the following pitches for some animated children's shows that I'm going to send in:

Kabuki Kats - A band of Cats bring their travelling theatre and perform for peasant villages throughout feudal Japan. They also solve crimes and somehow always manage to get themselves in crazy adventures.

Rhino-Plasti - In the modern jungle of Hollywood, Dr. Plasti, an African rhino plastic surgeon, caters to the whims of an elite range of Hollywood celebrities; Lindsey Lohan's freckle fetish, Tara Reid's "un"-lobotomy (ed. technically brain surgery, not plastic surgery) and a penis lengthening for Britteny.

He also solves crime and has adventures in space.

Oscar the Crime Fighting Dog (still working on this but he solves crimes.)

So I'm going to edit these a bit and send them in to my friends and see what happens. TV money is the best money.

I'm Awake! Halifax Film / TV Blog

Okay, so my roommate Carly seems to have sweated out enough toxins that she's able to function on a semi-normal mindset. She's been taking my dog Biscuitface, out for walks, much to his relief, mine and probably the whole floor of our apartment building. And as a special treat she's been able to make the trip to Burger King for daily nourishment; Whoppers with Cheese. Really, all major food groups are faux represented here.

My sister Stella continues to gestate (ed. though you can't really tell where the baby starts and the Quarter Pounder with Cheese ends.) and there's still no sign of her former Brazillian boyfriend. Surprise, surprise. Another unproven hit and run. I love my sister Stella, but she lies around all day, watching Brazillian television and eating. True not much different than when she wasn't pregnant but she's become so complacent in her life...I think she's in for a hugely rude awakening soon.

As Carly has been out of commission, earnings wise, and Stella really hasn't ever earned any sort of living, it's up to me to bring home the bacon. (ed. even though you can'y leave the apartment to bring anything home and bacon on a Whopper with Cheese is extra.)

So I've decided to get out my old IBM Selectric (ed. Its like a PC only you only see words after they're printed out.) and write for tv like I used to. Being a shareholder in DHX aka Halifax Film, I think I may have an "in". Unfortunately, the ideas are not forthcoming. All I've come up with is a show called "Dora On The Go", where an animated girl talks to the audience to try and solve a puzzle i.e. quest. She has an animal sidekick who may or my not be wearing boots. Ah, they'll never go for that.

Speaking of Halifax Film, I woke up in a sweat last night because something reminded me that "we" may be in violation of the tax credit rules. Though we've raised $25M and then another $17M through investors, and another $2M through the Nova Scotia Business Inc. (ed. i.e. taxpayer dollars) I remembered that back in the initial days of the Nova Scotia Film and Video Tax Credit, there was a limit as to how much a company could be worth before getting more taxpayer dollars through the credit. This arcahic rule said that any company that was worth more than $25M shouldn't be accessing taxpayer dollars like they were some kind of welfare mother or something (ed. hello, people on welfare just got a $4/month raise! What more do they want?)

So I was quite relieved when I found that section had been deleted from the applicable legislation; phew. (ed. Is that the gov't's fiscal or ours? And when did we go public? Oh, never mind, film and tv is sexy and the best photo-op in the world!)

Now that section of the act says:

(a) the corporation is incorporated under the laws of Canada or a province of Canada and is a taxable Canadian corporation primarily carrying on business that is a film or video production business; (snore, Michael Donovan's a lawyer and he can hire someone to do this in their sleep)
(b) the corporation has a permanent establishment in Nova Scotia; (can you get more permanent than a bank? Well, how about one of Michael's two houses? Or Charles "the Green Arrow" Bishop's) (ed. I'd hate that, never knowing which house had my lucky socks in them.))

(c) at least 25% of salaries and wages of the corporation are eligible salaries. (again, Michael has taken care of this.)

I guess the gov't woke up and smelled the cappochino and figured, the bigger the better and if gov't money wasn't going to the squeegie kids (ed. why do their dogs have cellphones?) it should be spent on Rob Lowe's trailer.

My Whopper with Cheese is here so thats it for tonight. The list of Telefilm approved/financed scripts came out today so I shurely will be commenting on that tomorrow. Oh, bonus! Fries!

Random Friday Night Stuff!

It's Friday night in Halifax and I guess all the film and tv people are out partying, "'tis the season" as they say. I haven't seen my friend/editor, Maurice since he headed off to the NSFDC aka Film Nova Scotia party last night. I'm sure he's okay. I try not to worry but the last time he was gone for 24 hours like this, he was missing for two days. Then he showed up at my door saying he had been working on a reality show for the CBC called, "Eat, Drink, Puke: McLean's Magazine Finally Decides Canada's Best University. As we live between Dalhousie and St. Mary's I don't take sides. Actually, on a Friday night, I usually see both sides outside my window.

This season is a mixed blessing for me; I love the animated Christmas specials on TV, the coloured lights of the neighbouring houses and apartments, but I hate the bitter memories of Christmas' gone by. I don't want to "down you" but finding coal in our stockings was actually a blessing in Cape Breton, in the day. Once in a while we found an orange on the tracks between the colliries, and we didn't question where they came from. Um, memories of juicy railway oranges, now that's Christmas to me.

Anyhoo, back to Tv, in the now. The big news is that Apple has decided there is enough interest to offer Canadian TV shows for downloading. I haven't checked it out yet, but I have my fingers crossed that both seasons of "Blackfly" are available. Just try and keep me away from the computer for that. Apparently, the downloads are $1.99 each and if they don't charge 10% more for Blackfly, they don't realize the historical cash cow they have. I can't imagine what the Americans will think when they are offered the series.

In other news, Toronto's Ellen Page is featured in Entertainment Weekly and she's been nominated for the CANADIAN film "Juno" for a Golden Globe. (Or is she nominated for a Juno for Golden Globe?) Talented and so gosh darn cute.

Now someone told me (via anonymous e-mail) that Halifax Film's Christmas party includes a toy drive for underprivledged kids. Apparently you pay the wholesale price of one of the Lunar Jim toys and it's donated to some indigent child. Um, excuse me, but as a shareholder, I don't see a lot of "Oliver's" roaming the streets looking for a "Ted" or "Rover" toy. All I see are hooligan's who spraypaint the sides of buildings with grammatically incorrect anatomical descriptions. Dare I say I would like to provide them with a "Ripple" in a secure place. So let's not let the wholesale price of Chinese produced "action figures" be compared to what they sell for in Zellers. Let's keep that little secret to ourselves.

This arguement may be all for not, anyway as I don't put a lot of credibility in this report anyway. For one thing it assumes that Halifax Film will be giving away/donating/contributing to a cause. Sorry kids, business is business. Plus the other part of this supposed report that Charles (the Green Arrow Bishop) dressed up as Santa. Now, that, I'd leave the apartment to see..

Halifax Film/TV Celebrates 100! But not too loud, Okay...

Sorry about signing off early last night but I was feeling a little "under the weather". (ed. If by "weather" you mean "cosmopolitans" and by "under" you mean "had a dozen" than I agree.)

My editor tonight is Maurice (ed. Howdy), who has been here for more than 24 hours, which I'm sure is past the best before date, hint, hint. He came over last night after the Telefilm party, and the Shoe Shop after that. I'll pass the keyboard over to him to talk about the party.

(ed. Thanks. Not much to tell, I arrived about an hour after it started, fashionably late of course. I made my way to the bar and after watching the bartender painstakingly pour a tonic water out of a can into a glass for 13 minutes, I scored a lukewarm Keiths. The usual "in" crowd was there and I was able to draw upon my powers of invisibility, and not have any of them approach me and initiate conversation. I just hate the chit-chat that is common at these events.

I positioned myself in the boardroom which gave me access to snacks, a view of the main room and most importantly a back-up escape route should I be cornered by any "producer, writer, director, actor in training" that assumed I might be somebody important.

The highlight of the evening was when Gord Whittiker made a speech about the accomplishments of Telefilm Halifax i.e. Atlantic Provinces over the last year. And actually it sounded impresive; Chaz Thorne wrote two movies and directed one of them with that guy from Lethal weapon, no, not him, the other guy: Michael Melski was wrapping up a film he wrote and directed and Jay Dahl was "going to camera" in the new year. Maybe not "Men With Brooms" but still impressive. Especially since Telefilm "Papa" in Toronto, couldn't see the East Coast with a set of binoculars.

It was a bit unsettling when Gordon mentioned "Shake Hands With the Devil" as a high point for the industry in the province. Usually any mention of DHX/Halifax film project draw an enthusiastic response but last night it was half-hearted. It picked up a bit when it was revealed that someone from the company was in the room, but it died when that person was revealed to be Dana (the Link) Laundry, a number cruncher. Applause died completely when it was found that even he had either not bothered to show up or had left.

After that, I mingled a bit, without making eye contact, stole a phone and then left. The remainder of the evening is a blur.)

And, although I wasn't there, I must say the snacks (I can't spell h'ordeaves) were't that great. Maurice brought back some pita bread and humus and some sort of substance in a tartlet. Even with allowing for the fact they were in Maurice's pocket for ten hours, they were not that good. Shrimp anyone? Or scallops, or salmon on a cracker? This is Eastern Canada after all.

Anyhoo, in other N.S. film news, "A Bug and a Bag of Weed" is debuting in theatres this week. (ed. this title is not going to work in Goerge Bush's America). This is a locally written, shot, acted, etc., etc. movie. Apparently, with telefilm money, a bunch of guys made a movie for $500,000. Sounds like a lot of money but, no offence, my company (ed. note: the writer owns 1000 shares of DHX/Halifax Film) spends that on Christmas bonus's. (ed. Note: Just Above the Line. Not employees or shareholders.)


I don't know of anyone who's gone to see the movie or if it's any good but DHX bought animation giant Studio B this week.

That brings me to my personal life, sorry to bore you all again but...there's three of us living in this one bedroom apartment (five if you count my dog Biscuitface and the thing growing in my sister's womb), and there's very little income coming in.

So, I have decided to return to the career i left behind, oh so many years ago; writing. I figure that instead of trying to write for shows that are already on the air, I would CREATE (yes, in capitals, WGA, my BROTHERS in arms!) a show and pitch it to a producer who has better access than me to the broadcasters. Maybe Halifax Film, my brethren.

Halifax Film Stuff - Thursday, December 6th, 2007. A Day that Will Live In...well, untill 12:00

Okay, so maybe I shouldn't be blogging tonight because of one too many cosmopolitans (ed. one = six) but its been over a week and people are calammering for news of whats happening in tv and film in Nova Scotia this last week. (ed. perhaps "clammering" is what you meant but not what is real). Anyhoo, my friend Maurice will be editing for you tonight (ed. Hi.)

Maurice is lucky in that, unlike me, he can leave the apartment and interact with the "real" world. Well, not really, he was at the Telefilm Christmas party tonight.

This blog is supposed to be about the "bix", I mean "bix", shit, why do they pot the x so close to the x on the keyboard. I mean Z. But people (I assume they're not seni-cognigent robots from the future) want to know what's happening here. A brief, then back to the news. My sister is even more pregnant than last week, my roommate, Carly is still a drug addicted Ho, and my coc-a poo Bisuitface, has not been walked in three days and ironically is constipated.

I live in a one bedroom apartment.

On the good side DHX aka Halifax Film has bought Studio B. Just like that, they've scooped up the production company that made George of the Jungle, Ricky Spocket, ...and othe stuff. We are #1! (ed. Note: the authour owns 1,000 shares of DHX.) Right, so what are those shares trading at tonight? Let me check.....$1.70.

Wow. That's what it was when I inherited them.

Since I lost my job selling ointments to standup comedians, life has been a bit of a struggle.

I'm feeling a bit flemmy right now, but I'll finish this blog tomorrow night.

As Stephen Bishop would sing "On and On" in Halifax

Not much going on, well from my apartment anyway. Just to keep in the blogging habit and with the absence of intelligence (ed. Not that we don't have intelligence, well, that's not what the author meant anyway, he ment outside info) I've just been googling to find info on what's happening.

I found a link from a Martha Stewart fan who hates all things negative about Martha Stewart (ed. taking it a bit personal for a mythological figure, isn't she?) including a tv movie of the week that was shot in Halifax a few years ago. Here's the link if you want to read the whole bloody thing to make sure I didn't take the time (ed. as if!) to make this crap up.

http://www.savemartha.com/themovie.html

I'll cherry pick her too-expansive blog for some quotes "Finally, underlying the bad script and the poor performances is a cheap production quality, which firmly relegates this film to lower-rung status among made-for-TV bio-dramas. The diminutive Halifax (ed. wtf? We are 1:1 full scale even if we do use metric (ed. pay lip service to it anyway))setting has nothing on the glamour and style of Westport or the orderly grit of New Jersey. (ed. Are we supposed to know Westport? I guess if we're Martha fans. And I've been to Jersey. Grit, yes. Orderly? Well, the waste dumps are catagorized according to toxicity, so yeah, have to give them that much.)

In a strange twist of irony, (Candace) Bergen was in Halifax at the same time the shoot for Martha Inc. was going on, starring in a much more prestigious project.

She was cast in a TV film called Footsteps, a suspense drama directed by John Badham, who directed such screen favorites as Saturday Night Fever, Stakeout, Incognito and Point of No Return. (ed. anybody ever hear of this? anybody...anybody...Bueller?)

Reports that Candice and Cybill got together for a succulent lobster dinner only to end up in a fist fight knee deep in clam shells are unconfirmed!" (ed. Now that I would pay to see!)

More googling discovered that Ellen Page (X-Men, Hard Candy, Juno) was in an episode of Trailer Park Boys playing "Treena Lahey".

And to be current - Ron Foley MacDonald "The film version of the best-selling book The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, will be shot in Halifax as a television movie starting November 18th. (ed. snore)

To be directed by Mick Jackson - who helmed the widely seen MOW of the hit inspirational memoir Tuesdays With Morrie - The Memory Keeper’s Daughter will star Dermot Mulroney (Gracie) and Emily Watson, who rose to fame in the art film "Breaking The Waves".

But closer to home, my sister Stella has moved back in. She broke up with her Brazillian boyfriend Carl.

Now, I'm not asking for pity here but....I'm sharing a one bedroom apartment with a crack hore roommate, my sister and her pre-natal b*tard child (ed. though no fault of his/her own, and my cock-a-poo, Biscuitface.

And since I can't leave the apartment, something's got to give!

But for no particular reason are Jimmy Stewart, Dean Martin and Orsen Welles just goofin' around on Dean's TV show. Looks like they're having fun cause they are!