Telefilm Surrenders

Been a while since I blogged...blah, blah, blah, but I'm back with my handy editor Lunchmeat Harold. (ed: Howdy)

Spring is nearing and with it news that Telefilm has re-vamped the way they'll be financing the developing and producing films. Turns out now that if you want to make a movie with Telefilm money all you need to have done is made a movie before. (ed: With Telefilm money.)

After years of piss-poor box office, the federal funding agency has just handed over the keys and handed the cheque book to the producers who have a "track record"; i.e. made a movie in the past five years. (Ed: If you made 2, you get to roll up the rim for a chance at a free donut!)

It doesn't matter if nobody saw your movie or if it made a dollar (Ed: That would be an exclusive club in itself.), as long as it showed in some theatre sometime, you sir/madam/other are a "sucessful Canadian producer" and they would like you to do it again please! But this time with no more of that meddlesome vetting of the script, agonizing over whether it was good or not, just go, go, make another. We'll just stand here and suck shrimp cocktail and hold town halls (ed: Maybe somewhere nice this year, like Paris!)

Really they seemed to be just going through the motions anyway so let's stop fretting and make Passcendale II: The Muddening or re-do Whirleygig and this time let the father talk and maybe he'll say something interesting.

So all the reviewing and paperwork is no more, which is good. But for young filmmakers, um, sorry, maybe you should think about heading south. Went to film school, worked 2 jobs to live while you wrote an awesome script? Sorry, Sarah Polley has a new movie she needs our millions for (Ed: Something about middle-aged or old people with feelings) and David Cronenberg, well, he's back, he couldn't get any work in the states and he is a national treasure.

Listen, keep, sweating it our and maybe in a couple of years we'll hand you $100,000 to make a "film". Get all your friends and family to help and chip in; it'll be a hoot! Then stick it on the internet or whatever yoou kids do, we have a red carpet in Toronto for Atom's newest homage to the suffering people of somewhere.

All this was not a surprise, in fact last fall, Paul Gross broke ground on a new mansion near Toronto and the Trailer Park Boys are already out beating the bushes (Ed: snicker) appealing to their fan base to contribute money to make their next film. (Ed: Do they say the F word? Funding?"

In Other News:

The CBC has tried a new strategy also; they've decided to make sitcoms the old fashioned way; "funny".

After the atrotious 2nd season of InSecurity they gave us Mr. D which actually made me laugh.

Alas, I must go now, "Lights out" time. Till next time.

BTW, anyone know whatever happened to Jay Dahl's monster film? Or Rollertown? Still waiting to see them.