Chaos at Banff TV Festival!

Well, the Banff Film Festival is underway and memories of fruit plates, white wine and tasty threesomes (every party seemed to have the same combination of brie, ghouda and for the meek, chedder.)

But since I'm unable to leave my apartment, my friend Wendall, usually my editor, has gone in my stead. So I'll be editing for him for a change. From the sounds of things, I'm missing one of the most active Banffs in a while, if not ever. Here's his report.

Wendall - Chaos has broken loose here in Banff for the first time since the cancellation of "Silk Stalkings" which tore assunder the co-operation between the best of Canadian television and really late night CBS.

There have been rumours of protests for weeks but nobody expected what happened here today. This morning just after a light brunch of crepes and fresh fruit, a group of individuals (ed. is it a group or are they individuals?), gathered on the front lawn in a threatening manner.

As producers, broadcasters and assorted "assistants, i.e. not wives" were peacefully smoozing, a small cadre of writers organized and stormed the main room where Fran Drescher was holding court on the effects of ethnicity and nasal whining on sitcoms . Sally Struthers had barely begun her rebutal when the writers strode in screaming "winter driving" according to one witness.

Although security is usually tight at the meeting of the best minds of the international broadcasting community and drunken Canadian broadcasting development officials, the RCMP were totally unprepared for this.

Staff Sargent Rideau commented that the writers had fooled guards at the security entrance, where the razor wire shone with the dashed hopes of unfufilled story ideas (ed. get to it!) The writers fooled security by busily texting, talking to their "assistants" and screaming into their blackberries as they walked through the metal detector.

"Sure they were all dressed in black and had a bleak outlook on life but, really" said Sgt Rideau, "who would have expected a Canadian writer to be taking an important call on a blackberry. Is he on-line to the set for an important piece of dialouge for a crucial scene?" He allowed himself an obvious chuckle amidst the chaos.

Most of the writers were identified as Canadian and, given that no one could name names. Except for the ringleader who couldn't help himself and gave an interview to the media.

As quoted in the Calgary Herald "The don of this mob is Canadian TV writer Denis McGrath, and just like Tony Soprano, McGrath is trying to exploit a chaotic situation for his own benefit.

McGrath and his self-described "writer's mafia" -- a.k.a.: a half dozen of his writing pals -- are hitting the Banff festival at a time when the North American television industry is in turmoil."

But today, most of McGrath's followers were distracted when a quick thinking broadcaster jumped onto a table and waved a development deal in front of the writer's faces.

Fortunately, it was an American broadcaster.

On location, I'm Wendall.