Thursday Night

God, I hate it when my sister Stella exits the bathroom at 9:28 exactly every night reciting her catch phrase "That was a good crop." How much longer am I expected to endure?

I guess that's better than my computer nerd brother Stuart who always excuses himself to the washroom saying that he has to "log off".

Anyway, Stella's two friends, Margaree and Eloise, have come over to help her pack for her trip to Kamloops to bid farewell to our late father. And please, Stella, pass along my sincerest "whatever" as they lower him into the ground.

You may think me harsh but my Father (I inadvertently capitalized that) left Stella and me with an ill-equiped mother when we were six and four years old. Then again three years later and four years after that and ....well, etc. At different times I thought the man was the tooth fairy, easter bunny and Santa Clause all in one, if those mythological figures arrived drunk on our doorstep and shook the hell out of our piggy banks looking to get enough money to score a litre (quart for any americans reading this.)

I really don't know why Stella needs help packing four identical brown tops, her 2 blue sweatpants, her grey sweatpants and her black sweatpants (presumably for the funeral.) Her maroon sweatpants with Saint Mary's University written on the butt (truth be told there's enough room to put "first, second and third year of a useless arts degree that will ensure that I'm never gainfully employed".) will be for the plane trip out. These particular sweatpants have an elastic that can accomodate the swelling that occurs when she's at 30,000 feet. But enough about Stella and her friends (I swear to God they all share the same one eyebrow!)

Tv, TV, TV, I was thinking about my blog last night (you read it didn't you?) and realized I've been missing out on a lot of Canadian TV and that has to change. "Jeff Inc?" tuned in once but too many cosmopolitans made me fall asleep on the futon. "Rent a Goalie" tuned in to see the signature bit where he's skating naked, presumably to win a bet. Was he wearing a cup at least? Don't know. Also saw a part where they were swearing in the bar. Seemed forced as if they were trying to make it edgy, not natural to the characters like TRB. I'll have to watch it again.

"Billable Hours"? Saw it last year I think, not outstanding.

"Robson Arms"? Its on Saturday night opposite "Cops" so I haven't seen it. And the VCR doesn't work so good since my dog Biscuitface, threw up on it after eating a whole onion.

So, that said, I'm really going to try and watch all these Canadian shows this upcoming week. I haven't even watched Rick Mercer or 22 Minutes in years. What have I been doing with my time? It just seems to slip away these days. Anyway, on with the blogging.

God! Stella and her friends are yakking like a herd of chickens as they paint each other's toenails. As I look at these wretches of humanity I can't help but think the term "athlete's feet" is so inappropriate. Of the three, I've only see Eloise do any actual exercise. And that was when she was choking on some hickory sticks while lying down watching "Grease" on television.

Sorry, I was distracted there. I was surfing for a picture and apparently I've won a free laptop! I must tell my friend in Nigeria! Abuto's actually more than a friend, we're going into business together. As soon as I'm able to leave the apartment again, I'm heading straight to the bank to cash in Mom's canada savings bonds for some start up capital.

More to come.


This just in:

Jack Valenti, film lobbyist and former White House aide, dies at 85

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Jack Valenti, the former film industry lobbyist who instituted the modern movie-ratings system, has died at age 85.

He died Thursday of complications of the stroke at his Washington, D.C., home, said Seth Oster of the Motion Picture Association of America, which Valenti headed for almost four decades.

I think he was part of the Nixon administration (that went well) but to canadians I think he'll always be remembered for begrudging us the .000001% of the american film industry's spending in Canada.